Marriage. Two lives blessed and living as one. One in the Lord and one flesh. Little is said, however, when things start to go wrong. It is hardly even acknowledged publicly that it even happens, let alone caring, godly shepherding to help and support in such a situation. The reality is that it does happen and happens more and more and not only are two lives shattered but invariably one, maybe two of those lives lose fellowship with their local Church and with the Lord.
“They fell down and there was none to help.” Psalm 107 v 12.
But what if there was first-hand pastoral help available? Godly, caring non-judgemental people to pray, listen, talk, advise, support and love you through those difficult times? It could be a different story for many. I am testimony to that and hope to spur on these pastoral carers to take up the challenge and step forward to help.
“Be not far from me, for trouble is near, for there is none to help.” Psalm 22 v 11
It may also be that by reading this, it may challenge all believers to look at these shattered lives with new, loving, non-judgemental eyes and build up instead of staring down on their brothers and sisters in Christ.
“Reproach has broken my heart and I am full of heaviness, I looked for someone to take pity but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69 v 20
These verses convey some of the desperation, the complete shock that is invariably felt by one of a couple when separation is immanent. There are two words that do not appear in the contemplation’s of a Christian couple on marriage. Separation and divorce.
Amen, you might say, and it is 'amen'.
But it still happens.
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"...either or both of the couple may initially act as if nothing has happened..."
Up until this point, the S & D words still do not appear in your mind. It will work out you believe. We are believers in the Lord, you just need to talk and pray about it. This is even if you know something is not right – there are many to whom a partner comes in one day and delivers the line ‘I don’t love you anymore, I’m seeing someone else; it’s not you, it’s me; I don’t want to be married anymore.’
Let me tell you this does happen (if you have any, can you put aside any pre-conceptions and prejudice for a moment and lovingly listen)?
It is like being hit by a truck, you are in shock and disbelief – numb. But the rub is, who do you turn to? You are ashamed, confused and embarrassed – this doesn’t happen!
But where do you get help? The double rub is, either or both of the couple may initially act as if nothing has happened – and you would have to use your ‘spider sense’ to even notice. I know of a couple who after being told one of the above lines in the morning, dutifully turned up in the afternoon to play the organ for a service. How sad is that?
This isn’t another book about divorce.
It is the actual diary of a divorce.
There are plenty of them around giving doctrinal advice about the ‘for’s’ and ‘against’s’ of divorce and others with mostly second hand anecdotal thoughts or happenings about a divorce or divorcee’s.
I have physically tossed aside books I have read that have offered to give insight and comfort in a separation/divorced situation, sad again that there is no genuine insight at all.
This has made me think hard about why I offering my personal experience of a divorce and will someone, somewhere toss this aside, desperate for help but finding none? In my reflections, I believe the Lord laid on me the reality of the One who has suffered more than we can imagine.
But what if there was first-hand pastoral help available? Godly, caring non-judgemental people to pray, listen, talk, advise, support and love you through those difficult times? It could be a different story for many.
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This booklet focuses on the personal experience of divorce from a Christian perspective, highlighting the emotional trauma, the need for pastoral support, and maintaining faith through difficult times.
It references biblical scriptures and the example of Jesus to offer hope, compassion, and spiritual support, acknowledging that God's understanding and love are available during moments of despair.
Divorce, for those unhappily in the know, is similar to the dying of your loved one. The difference is that it is often sympathy and support can be in much shorter supply.
Dr Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified (at least) 6 stages of the grief process and whereas I am loathed to apply clinical analysis to such trauma, her stages provide a useful scaffold from which to discuss the spiritual reality of the grief of divorce, or indeed of any loss. As each of our sufferings can be so different, even if I shared with you my reality, it may still be a far cry from what you are going through:
Denial and isolation;
Anger / frustration;
Bargaining;
Depression;
Acceptance;
Hope.
The first part of this writing is focused clearly on the suffering of our dear Lord Jesus on his approach to the cross. In our tear filled moments of despair, we can turn to Him, because he does understand, and know what it is like. His example offers hope and compassion in the darkness.
The second part is given, then, to hopefully offer some insight for those special people who would seek to help those grieving. Again, it is not the same for everyone, but you will certainly get the point.
